Ghosts Within by Garry Leech

Author:Garry Leech
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Fernwood Publishing
Published: 2019-04-29T14:14:20+00:00

Gregorio’s wife led me through a doorway into the only other room in the wooden shack. In the darkness I could make out a figure lying on one of the two double beds that almost filled the room. As we entered, the figure slowly rose up and with great effort slid down to the foot of the bed and into what little light shone through the door. I was horrified by the image I encountered. The man was dressed only in shorts and most of his face, chest, arms and legs were covered in raw-looking red sores, some of which were bleeding. Gregorio’s left leg ended just below the knee. He’d stepped on a landmine.

It was the media’s portrayal of PTSD that had me believing before my diagnosis that only soldiers could get the mental illness, so there was no way that I could have it. And while I later better understood PTSD, that understanding in and of itself didn’t make it easier for me to get through each day. So I continued my weekly sessions with Todd and we regularly discussed the challenges I faced functioning in daily life. He taught me mindfulness techniques to, as he put it, “lower the water level in my bucket.” The water represented the emotions I was dealing with and when it reached the top of the bucket, just one tiny drop more would cause the water to overflow. In other words, when my capacity to cope with my trauma-related emotions had reached its limit, then the next issue I had to deal with, no matter how minor unto itself, would prove too much for me to handle. The result would be a disproportionate response to that final drop of a problem, through either anger or tears.

The mindfulness techniques were intended to help lower the water level by getting my mind to focus on the present and my body to relax, so that I could function without melting down so often. One of the most common mindfulness techniques used in treating PTSD is slow, deep breathing. According to Dr. van der Kolk, “Learning how to breathe calmly in a state of relative relaxation, even while accessing painful and horrifying memories, is an essential tool for recovery.” Other techniques included doing exercises several times a day that involved tapping on acupuncture pressure points with my fingertips, primarily on the top of my head as well as above, beside and below my eyes. Todd also introduced me to lying down and listening to the sound of ocean waves through headphones for twenty minutes a day. The final technique was visualization, which required closing my eyes and visualizing a place in which I felt safe and relaxed. My place was a secluded tropical beach in Cuba. Todd also said it was important that I not overfill my plate. In other words, I needed to make sure that I didn’t try to do too many things each day.

Previously, I would have rolled my eyes at engaging in activities like deep breathing, tapping and visualization.

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